Fickle Imaginations

She stands in front of me looking ohh so spectacular with ginger braids that flays as she turns this way and that, searching for flaws with a frown on her face. “This dress makes my ass look flat”, she says to me – or maybe to herself; I never learned to tell the difference. With a huff at me, she turns and walk away, unconsciously sashaying all the way out of my view. I stare at the the vacant doorway, as it is the only view I have now and start counting the seconds until she gets back. It is 2734 seconds. She comes back this time wearing a boyfriend jean – that’s what she calls them – and some frilly pink top that bares a little bit of her stomach. Again, she looks spectacular. She turns this way and that, striking poses as she turns. Then she burst out into a song, “I’m sexy and I know it, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m sexy and I know it”. She always sung in a tone that made me itch somehow. I could sometimes feel her voice passing through my body, like now. But I also love when she burst ...

I deserve to be loved. I can't love everyone, be loyal to everyone,  forgive everyone,  I can't love this much and not have my energy back. I refuse to. I'm not asking for more. I just want to be loved the way I love. I want to be cared for the way i care. Lol. Why me??? I'm soooooo done with love. Soo done. I'm never loving anyone more again. Now? The energy I recieve is what I give. Lol. I'm just waiting to see that this was a joke. Lol. Arrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!! What is this??????!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhh😥💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 God I'm so stupid. This mumu they called me sef doesn't justify me😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔 I.HATE.MY .STUPID.SELF

    I was in a confused state of mind. Actually, I'd been that way since I saw his lifeless form. Subconsciously, I'd stared again at the picture on my wall and again, it'd brought unwanted memories. He'd promised. He promised he'd never leave after I told him all I'd been through. "I'd always be here for you", he said " I'd be your support through your darkest times." Then he left, he'd gone to the world of no return, a place I couldn't reach. I'd closed my eyes and turned my back on his smiling face, noting to myself to take it down later.     It'd been over two weeks since his burial and time hadn't numbed the pain of his passing. It'd still been a shock to me - that he wasn't coming back. Involuntarily, I'd wiped my hand down my face to discover fresh tears. I hadn't stopped crying yet. He died through an 'accident'. His ID had been found in his back pocket and I'd been called to ide...

This day last year, I had you. One of the most special persons I ever met. We don't talk anymore We don't reach out to each other anymore But I know that deep down, Somewhere in both our hearts, We'd never cease loving and caring for each other. Last year, I was very thankful to have you This year, although I still hurt from everything we had to go through,  I'm still thankful you were once here. Made me understand a tad deeper who I was Made me learn to love myself a little better Made me learn to be vulnerable and just let go. It's sad, and pathetic really, That I can no longer claim I have you I still wish I did But I don't.  I no longer have my 'favourite human' But through all the hurt, all the pain, the tears, compromises And everything we had to give up for each other, I'm be glad I met you at one point in my life. And although we may never meet again, You'd forever be a part of me. Happy Men's Day, my love. You deserve onl...